In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “On the Edge.”
I am always on edge about one thing or another. No matter how much I try to keep calm and breath, something will intervene to get me on edge.
Some people may not understand the simple thing of how sending my child off to college would have me on edge. Some family members do understand. Some of my daughters teachers understand. Only because they have notice the tight relationship my daughter and I have. I have received some calls from some of them congratulating me on a job well done with my daughter. I have gotten the ultimate complement by a professor telling me I should bottle whatever it is I gave my children. But the calls I receive, from some asking me, ‘are you going to be all right’ are from those that make me realize, yes they know what I will be going through. One cousin even told me, ‘Don’t worry, you will be okay. We are just going to have to make sure we keep you busy.’
As many great complements as I receive, I can’t shake the feeling of ‘oh my, my baby is going away to college, what am I going to do with myself’. I have to explain in order for you to understand my anxiety. Yes, I do have a house full of people. I have my mother I care for, and yes, she too has me on edge, because of all her ailments. My husband refuses to take care of himself, therefore, keeping me on edge, (I am learning to let go of that one. I am learning I have no control over him and his health). My oldest children still live with me and they come and go from work and enjoy life, until drama strikes, then I have to lend an ear or a shoulder. But my baby, she is my partner. We have been together since the day she was born. I did not even bother going back to work just so that I can raise her myself without having to worry about getting a babysitter. I admit, I was so fortunate for that opportunity although I had trouble in the beginning acclimating to staying at home, as it was a traumatic experience for myself and my loved ones. I’ve worked ever since i can remember and it was all new for my older children to see me at home when they arrived everyday from school. It was a lot of getting used to, but throughout it all, it was me and my youngest.
My baby and I go together everywhere. We do things together. We drag each other where ever it is the other has to go. We go shopping, we cook, we talk, we laugh, we cry. My world revolves around my baby. She is my personal model. I am an addicted photographer at heart, and whenever I needed to snap pictures for no reason at all, my baby will stand and pose for me whenever I needed a good fix, if you will. Like I said, we do things for each other. We took art classes together. We went to the gym together, (not the way we should have, but oh well, nevertheless, we had fun). How to get use to doing things by myself? I don’t know!
I knew this day would eventually come, I just cannot believe how quickly it arrived. She is eager to venture off, and I have to give the face, of a strong, happy for you darling, attitude.
In the meantime, I will quietly pray for her safety and her journey off to school while at the same time pray for my sanity without my little partner by my side.